An Exploration of Suffering and Faith

Yesterday was a day that I was keenly aware of suffering. Grief. I spent several hours close to tears, eventually getting to a private space where I could allow myself to cry; to let the torrent of unexpressed emotion flow through my body in a wave of release.

I'm not sure exactly where it came from, or whom it belonged to. Very often when I'm in that completely vulnerable emotional state, I'm not at all sure whether it is mine, ancestral or more of a collective human experience of grief.

I spent a good bit of time in prayer yesterday, letting go of anything I was 'holding' onto, surrendering to a process I could not rationally explain. I realized after some time that while I had no personal attachment to it, it would not stop on its own. That it needed to be physically released and expressed. During times like these when I need help, comfort and support, I have learned to call on the Mother, in any and all of her many guises and forms. I felt Her loving presence immediately. This time her form was that of Mother Amma.

I monitored my mind, body and emotions. There was no core connection within my body, though while I was crying my lungs felt quite full and heavy. I wheezed for an hour before it completely resolved itself.

"This is not my grief," I thought.

"No?" asked the Mother. "Are you not One with everything? Do you not serve all, and love all?"

"Of course." I responded.

"Then this is your grief, child. Allow it. Carry it through for All who suffer. When One suffers, All suffer. Move it so that all might be liberated."

And so I did, with some help from Mother Amma...and grace. Ultimate grace.

After I awoke from a long exhausted sleep, I searched for information on Srimad Sai Rajarajeshwari, or Mother Amma as she is more commonly known. The Hindu people of Mysore, India consider her not only a Saint or Holy woman, but the incarnation of Shakti, the Divine feminine creator (or create-tress) as a human woman. This site is completely dedicated to her: http://www.premahealing.com/1.html

I also found this quote that really resonated with me:

"Duty without love is deplorable; duty with love is desirable; love without duty is Divine."
Sri Sathya Sai Baba

I took this to mean that doing anything for duty's sake is empty. That dutiful action through being present is good, but that ultimate love, without having to feel 'duty' is truly Divine. And healing. Not just for oneself, but for everyone.

So a day that began in suffering ended with renewed faith and clarity. And peace.

Blessings and (Global) Love.
__________________________________________________

Suffering has a noble purpose: the evolution of consciousness and the burning up of ego. In the midst of conscious suffering, there is
transmutation. The fire of suffering becomes the light of consciousness.
--Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches.
If suffering alone taught, all the world would
be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering
must be added mourning, understanding,
patience, love, openness, and the willingness
to remain vulnerable.
--Anne Morrow Lindbergh,
author and pilot