The Vernal Equinox

"Woman Ascending" - 48"x36"

The Vernal Equinox- The Sun crosses the equator and day and night everywhere on Earth are of equal length, with the Sun ascending here in the Northern hemisphere. Vernal means fresh and new, like the Spring. Equinox literally translates as "equal night". This year, the Sun entered into the sign of Aries on March 20 at 4:44am, marking the official beginning of the astrological New Year, and Spring.

It is a time of new emergence; life erupting from the trees and earth around us. And since we are the earth, this happens within us as we feel the clearing of the old grime of winter, the release of that which we no longer need to hold onto, and the rising of the light within.

A few years ago, I received a meditation from spirit. It is a nearly perfect exercise for Spring, assisting us in bringing in new energies while clearing room for it at the same time. It is also about honoring; yourself, the earth, and the light within.

A very talented artist and friend, Barry Mack, sent me the above photo of his "Woman Ascending" to mark the arrival of Spring in my world, and was kind enough to allow me to post it here with my meditation. You can see more of Barry's work here: http://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/BarryMack

Please receive this with my blessings.


Spring Meditation
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Each morning at sunrise find a place in nature (a backyard, even a balcony would do) and face the direction of the rising sun in the East. It is connected to the emerald green ray of compassionate love and healing, calming, balancing and clearing, the heart chakra, and the Archangel Raphael. Briefly focus on something or someone in your life you are grateful for. Feel your heart-center opening to the warmth of the sun and the emerald green ray at your heart. Expand it until you are completely immersed in it. Open your heart to being present, fully present in that moment. Make a heart wish.

Each evening at sundown, take yourself outside and face the setting sun in the West. The West is associated with the Archangel Gabriel, the sea, and the ruby-red ray of the color spectrum that assists in physical healing, amplifying the kundalini energy and helping us to embrace responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Take a moment to focus on what needs to be released from your day (stress, anger, etc). Picture surrendering these energies (or relationships) that no longer serve you to this ruby-red light. Forgive judgment of yourself or others. Breathe in love and light, and picture expanding the ruby-red light to fully encompass you. Then visualize the emerald green light surrounding the ruby-red center in the heart area. Notice the shift as your heart center enfolds you in compassion and love. Know that you are whole and complete.

This exercise can be done each day until Bealtaine (May 1st), when you notice the ties that bind you have been released, and that your heart wish can be manifested fully and clearly.

Requiem- The Death of the Old Self

So, this is how it ends. Corrupted. Bereft. Empty. Lonely. Feeling as if I’d only just paid more attention, that none of this had to happen. I’ve spent far too much of my life and time feeling this way. And it’s such a short life.

Usually when someone contemplates throwing in the towel, there is a maudlin self-pity present. I have to say, it doesn’t feel like that to me. I know there are people who care, who love me. Who will be sad if I leave this earth. But I am aware of something they may not be. They only need me for their own reasons. To validate them, to be present for them, to be their mirror. And this, I think is what it’s about for other people. Will they grieve? Certainly. But will they grieve for me…or for their own loss? This is the human nature I have come to understand, to accept, but not to love. In truth, I am the only one who can grieve this life, my life. But do I have the courage required to do so?

Can I grieve the life that was, and the life that never was, and still remain here…present? Can I release this, and learn to feel again? Or is it too late for that? I’m so tired already. And old, aeons old. Can I lift myself one more time from this ground I stand on, a brittle, barren surface, and walk just a few steps farther on this journey? Perhaps a spark of hope will light the way, for it is so dark here, now.

I’ve spent my entire life living for others, for a cause, an idea. Living in service. Being of service. It is what drives me, what inspires me. And it’s also the thing I hate the most at this moment. For how can I truly be of service if I can’t even help myself? How can I learn to love my life, when I feel no joy?

I have been here before, in this space. I have had the light of the Presence move through me. I have been more alive than many can imagine being. I have been everything. And now, I am nothing. Why did I choose to stay, if I am incapable of creating love within my own life; within myself?

Do I have the strength to accept what is here in the dark, empty expanse, and live on? Can I find the spark of inspiration necessary to build a new hearth fire from the barely flickering candle of my soul? I cannot do it alone. This much I know. I must pray, and be open to receiving the light of my own soul, as it comes to embrace me. And if I wake up here, then I will have a chance to feel and create something new. And if not, then I will be free. Liberated.

And as I fall to my knees and ask for forgiveness, Goddess, will you be so kind as to hold a space for me, until I can hold it for myself? I think that might be exactly what I need…

The Seeds of Wholeness

I awoke today with a lead stone in my chest,
where my heart should be.
Heavy. Weighted down with grief, and anger.
Feeling wasted, barren.
Mind racing back to times gone by, and love lost.
Missing the beloved, separate from the other.
Separate even from myself.

Patterns of loss stamp themselves anew today;
deception, betrayal, jealousy, need, obsession.
The depth of emotion feels staggering to me.
There is nothing to be done but learn to be still now,
and not run to the next distraction.
Tears flow freely for myself, and then more.
Self-pity is unbecoming. Eyes red, swollen.
So tired. So tired of crying. So tired,
crying for a love destroyed before it could ever flower fully.
“Who?” You might ask.
“How many?” I would answer.

I have proven to myself that I was unlovable. Unworthy.
Over and over, the cycle repeated itself.
Deep, unrequited love.
Then I would hide behind a mask.
Which woman would I be today?
Which single-minded desire can I fulfill so that I can be loved, at least for a little while?
Eventually, it became a mask of independence and certainty, when I felt anything but.
I hid my vulnerability away, and the fear of not being seen truly became not being seen.
The prophecy became self-fulfilling.

Holding, and withholding became an instinctive,
protective way of being.
Fear of judgment and rejection drove away my ability to actively love, to be fully present to another being.
To receive the care of another being who was also like me.
Who is also God.

For I recognize myself in pain,
covered over with the grime of the past.
The questions “Does anyone truly see me?
Does anyone really care to see?” then became,
“When was the last time I allowed anyone to see?”

Then questions of divinity..
“Who am I if not God?”
“And if I am the female aspect, where is the masculine aspect to ignite the spark of my passion once again?”
“If I have recognized the light within, then why can I not see the divine within as complete?”

Memory surfaces, of my asking the mother,
“What is your dream for me?”
She was in the starlight, and she answered;
“The sacred flower of life- that is the dream for all my children. Speak the truth of your heart, and love.
Love, the verb. Love actively, without fear,
completely and passionately.”

Finally, emotion spent, comes understanding.
The stone in my chest, occupying my heart center
is like a pit... a giant seed.
And today, it cracked wide open,
spilling dry contents on the damp soil to be fertilized.
I surrender my dreams of union to the Earth,
and gift the mother with my sacrifice.
I water it with my tears, allowing the unseen beauty of my soul to radiate heat and light,
to nourish the tiny, fragile growth.
I turn over my sacred caring,
and will nurture the tender growth that arises.
I will allow the joy of wholeness to emerge.