(Re)Discovering Who You Are

But if you have our blood in your veins,
Then you will know us, know home, know who you are.
--excerpt from Ancestors, by Albannach

“I felt that beings were looking in upon me…
They seemed to be saying to each other about us,
‘Soon they will awaken; soon they will come to us again.’
…and I knew the Golden Age was all about me,
and it was we who had been blind to it, but that
it had never passed away from the world.”
--Irish mystic George Russell (A.E.), 1918

I'm beginning to be clear on many things about who I am, and how it all works for me. The above quotes are clues about who I am. A recognition of my energy, my ancestral connections, my awakening consciousness. I'm receiving my personal road-maps to consciousness. It's looking ever so much simpler now that I only have to listen to the inner voice.

Do you know who you are? OK, too difficult. Better to rephrase.

Do you think you know who you are? Yes, much easier.

This one requires a little more thought, less feeling. I bet we could all make a long list about this one. And I think that's a good start.

Making a list about all of the things we believe ourselves to be, our roles, our stories. Ostensibly, our belief systems. Write them all down, then we can get to work.

The first step in becoming conscious of who you really are is to look at how you identify yourself. The way you identify yourself is a mixed bag. Outside prompting from parents, teachers, role models. Roles you play in your life; parent, sibling, nurse, lover, architect. Personal and public. Your reactions to outside stimuli. Your judgments about yourself. And, of course, your inner promptings and emotions.

Each individual is a complex amalgam of these many identifiers. And those seem to shift generationally. But we are, of course, talking about you now. How does your own personal make-up look?

Take your list and as you read each entry, put an asterisk next to the ones that fill you with a sense of joy and happiness. Put a large check mark next to those that come from your inner promptings and emotions.

Surprised? I'm not.

Are tired of receiving mixed messages about how to find inner peace, or following to the letter the advice of the latest self-help book only to feel like a miserable failure when you, um, fail at it? Fed up with listening to the guru who can tell you how to create more prosperity and abundance in your life just by wishing it to be so? How much time, money and effort have you spent trying to change things about yourself, let go of your (insert word here) anger, fear, ego in order to truly be non-attached and end your suffering forever?

How, exactly can you ever expect to let go of something that you've never fully embraced? Something you don't entirely understand? How can anyone else give you a cookie-cutter version of awakening when it looks different for each being? Enlightenment is not one-size-fits-all, despite the hype.

But it isn't all that complicated. At least, it doesn't have to be.

First things first; get to know yourself. Most people are so caught up in their roles and stories about themselves that they never listen to themselves and what makes them happy. The things that make their soul sing. And by the time they realize that they are miserable and unhappy, they aren't sure where to turn. We could talk about anti-depressants, the divorce rate, porn, alcohol and recreational drugs, but these are all just distractions. This is about you, remember?

I don't claim to be able to 'fix' you. If you don't know who you are, how am I supposed to be able to figure it out, then correct what you deem to be 'wrong'? I don't think you need to be fixed. Or saved. I think you just need to be able to see yourself clearly, and maybe make a minor course adjustment if it takes you in an overall joyful and more connected direction.

But I think I can help, by sharing what I'm realizing along the way.

Learn who you think you are. Learn what roles you've elected to play in your life. Learn what your stories are; your operating principles. Learn where they come from; you or someone else. Figure out what doesn't serve you anymore. Embrace the emotions that come with these realizations, and express them in a way that is safe for you and safe for others. Forgive yourself. Release your old stories; from all levels of your being (mental emotional, spiritual, physical). Create a new story; one you wish to live, not one you can tolerate.

Yes, it really is that simple.

Each time we release an old 'story' about ourselves, it creates a space for something new and wonderful to take its place. A spaciousness that holds the potential for creation at a level on par with the energy you've just released.

This is only a road-map; I don't promise there won't be any bumps, or boulders blocking the path. But I can promise that if you do come across obstacles, that only you have the power to move them, because you are the only person with the authority to have allowed them to arise in the first place. This part is about 100% accountability for everything that happens in your life. Maybe that's the simple-but not-so-easy part.

We all need help with this. We need to have an objective observer, and a loving observer in order to be able to witness ourselves, and have someone hold us accountable while holding the vision of us as a beautiful human being. We must be congruent with ourselves, and accepting of what is. Only then can we allow anything that is inauthentic to fall away.

And one last thing; unhappiness is inauthentic to who you really are. And when you find out who that is, you will know this as well.

Good luck on your journey; the road home to yourSelf.

Beannachtai go leir (Blessings to All)

I Send You Love.

The Art and Practice of Compassion

For me, it always arrives with the dawn.
Awakening. Clarity. Inspiration. Knowing.
Synthesis and integration.

This morning, and for the last several days, it comes every day. That hasn't happened before. That's new. Just like I feel right now.

Not that I'm new. I'm exactly who I always was. It's my perception of self that has shifted. My feelings about who that person is that is 'me'. And all the parts; the deep stillness of my soul, the love in my awakened heart, the gunk in my belly, the delicate violet energy of my vibrational matrix, the tears that flow from the eyes that see too much, the mouth that often speaks too quickly and the mind that can sometimes be too harsh and judgmental.

I am all of these things, and have been very attached to them, holding them in a negative view for far too long. I've realized that until I truly accepted my own energy, my own path, my own belief and attachments, that there was no hope of ever letting any of it 'go'.

To believe that all of this has happened since Sunday seems a little far fetched. Maybe I should say the integration and understanding has come each day. A gift from each new morning that is allowing the reality of my truth to emerge, and for wisdom to arise within it.

I'm rambling, I know. Maybe I should backtrack to Sunday, and my experience with the GrandMother Drum. The drum itself awakened something in me, and my meeting with Tymoreye
http://www.tymoreyeelliot.com/ allowed me to not only see myself in a new light, but to view my light from the outside. I saw through her spirit what I looked like as a being of light energy. Levels of clarity and density. She spoke to me of things that I'd always known, but couldn't quite wrap my mind around before.

She had the clearest energy of anyone I'd ever met. High, clear and grounded from traveling with that drum for so long. Her gift allowed me to not only remember who I was, where I'd come from and who my spiritual family was, but to experience it in a way that was undeniable and true. I saw myself as a truly beautiful soul.

So what I've learned is that all of my trying to let go of things was premature. How can you let go of something you never fully embraced? Not accepting and embracing who I am was the only thing preventing me from releasing the ego. The attachment. Not that I didn't have an awareness of it, just that I was never able to synthesize the wisdom from that knowledge. Seems so simple now.

To let go of 'attachment', first you must feel. Swim in the muck and mire, the beauty and density of who we are in this world. Embracing who you are, and who you seem to be allows the freedom to be fully present in the moment. The only place there is stillness, awareness, joy.

Each morning, I receive wisdom now. Clearly and as an offering. I'm being taught to do healing work on a level I'd never thought was possible before. I'm excited and know there is much to learn. I feel that my energetic focus has shifted, from awareness towards integration. Each day, I let myself be where I am, and allow whatever arises to become fully present within my body and soul. Whatever doesn't serve can then fall away naturally, and with little effort. I've given up the need to struggle against myself or my nature any longer.

I'm finally learning how to be truly compassionate.

Remember, you cannot abandon
what you do not know.
To go beyond yourself, you must
know yourself.
--Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

"Bitter"-sweet

I had a good laugh when I saw on CNN 'Headline News' last night that there was an uproar about Pennsylvanians being "bitter". Yeah, so? I live here, I see it all the time. I thought, is it different somewhere else?

I am posting a letter I wrote as a lifetime resident of the State of Pennsylvania on behalf of Senator Barack Obama. This video is his reply to the latest pathetic ploy by his (sorry ass) political rivals to pick apart the truth of his statements to attempt to make him look bad, rather than have to stand on their own political merit. His campaign wrote to me and asked if I, as a PA resident, could explain my frustration with Washington. I was only too happy to comply.

*******************************************
This latest nonsense, picking apart what Senator Obama said in a effort to create a "sound bite" which his unworthy presidential opponents then turn into a media feeding frenzy, is highly offensive to any cognizant individual living in the state of Pennsylvania.

I believe that his prompt and direct response gets to the heart of my frustration with Washington politics; most politicians are completely out of touch with the common people.

Senators Clinton and McCain are both so beholden to special interests that I would not trust them to make a decision in my best interest, or that of my fellow Pennsylvanians.

My laundry list of complaints begins with being a frustrated small business owner who finds the self-employment tax rate to be grossly unfair. Having to pay an outrageous amount for health care, which inexplicably rose by 48% this January, despite a climbing unemployment rate, 44 million uninsured Americans, and Independence Blue Cross banking a huge surplus in PA. Not one single politician in Washington has stood up to even regulate these maverick, out of control insurance companies, much less to advocate for single-payer health insurance.

The recent sub-prime mortgage/banking/financial industry fiasco (fraud on a scale we haven't seen in this country since the Savings and Loan scandal) proves that our elected officials have sold out their citizens to the highest bidder in order to line a campaign war chest, and insure their own financial interests now and in the future.

Senator McCain is a particularly egregious offender, as he was one who initially supported and sponsored the type of campaign finance reform that could have prevented some of this wretched excess. Any politician who accepts big money from special interests cannot be trusted to make policy based on the wants and needs of their constituents. This is not a theory, but has been proven over and over again by our supposed 'leaders' in the Congress and Senate. Corruption, greed, political and corporate elitism has eroded not only their values, but the entire middle class in this country.

I could go on about being the first generation of educated individuals having to move back in with our parents; an entire generation of Americans my age that can no longer find a decent job, afford to take out a business loan, pay off student loans, let alone own a home. For many of us, the 'American Dream' is dying.

But despite all this, I am voting for Senator Obama not because he is the only presidential candidate not beholden to special interests, though that is a huge consideration, but rather because he understands. He gets it. And in my estimation, there hasn't been anyone in the White House since I've been old enough to vote that I've been able to say that about. I believe Washington is broken, and in need of serious repair if our country is to survive and the average American to thrive. And you can't fix what you can't see, and don't understand. It's high time to change the old guard in Washington.

Senator Obama brings hope back to the political process for many younger people like myself; a belief that change is possible. I'm happy for the ability to vote for a nominee for president that is not the lesser of two evils, but a clear choice for change. A voice of integrity, clarity and honest discourse is what Barack Obama offers in this election, and is something desperately needed after the shocking level of deceit and stupidity of the current administration.

So, I live in Pennsylvania, I'm politically bitter, and I'll be voting for Senator Obama on April 22.

At Dawn

I watched the mists arise this morning,
through a window that was not my own.
I believe it was they who woke me;
with their swirling energy.

Messages upon awakening,
dream fragments of love, fear and prophecy.
Pieces of the whole that come together;
shards of mirrored truth, a reflection of past deeds,
and visions of what is yet to come.

How can this be, when there is only present?
Forgiveness, repentance...what do these words mean?
Why is it I receive this; what good may come of seeing...
probability?

My heart is full...with a mixture of love and sadness.
Both in equal measure.
This is the way to true seeing,
the voice from the mist whispers.
I feel a swelling in my heart,
and feel the tears falling.

I know the truth of love, of my heart.
I wonder why it is I didn't see it before?
You refused, was the reply.
It is always your choice;
Love all, Serve All.

I make an agreement then;
I will do as you ask,
only show me the way.
I know the truth of love,
I renounce my pride, my ego.

Then I see; I SEE.

First I see what has been shown before:
The seas rising, the Goddess Venus.
New life arising.
Two native men;
two prophecies fulfilled.
December, 2008.

I see a pin drop, a 2000 year old seal broken.
An opening, an earth shift.
I was not aware of the timing;
now I know.
Lughnasadh? The solar eclipse?
No, the lunar eclipse...August, 2008.

I remember something...
The young man who lived off the land,
the one they believed (those who loved him,
but could not see) was crazy.
He gave himself not in sadness,
but in sacrifice;
sacred caring.
I see a ritual bathing prior to his passing.
What was his name?

Not important, is the reply.
The people who live on the edge speak the Truth;
for they have no false friends.
Prophecy and repentance.
A radical change in attitude,
a sharing of self with All.
To offer one's generation the possibility of forgiveness.

A baptism with water,
the clearing of the threshing floor,
the burning up of the chaff in sacred flame.
The new human spirit emerging-
Peace made with the ancestors,
father with child,
child with father.

I see the smaller connections,
and still I do not understand.
What is my role?

To be.
Love and serve.
Remember the old ways.
Look for the magic;
see with the eyes of a child.
Look for the entranceways to new being.
Marry the love and sorrow within.
Be One with every living thing.

I am here.
And I know surrender.