Mastering the Emotional Realm

Compassion-King of Water



Tonight is New Year's Eve, for most of the world.

Most countries use the Gregorian Calendar, switched from the Roman Julian Calendar (first introduced by Julius Caesar in 46BC).

This night is about the passing on of the old year, and the celebration and b'ringing' in of the new. You can read about the calendar in surprising detail here at wikipedia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julian_calendar#From_Julian_to_Gregorian

In my world, it is the changing of the calendar year, and in the wee hours of this morning, marked by the changing of the ancestral guard.

These past few months have been a highly significant time for me, and this passage has been marked by emotional upheaval, and (unasked for) deep processing work. The story will not be recounted here today...it is still clearing itself from the ethers, disentangling itself from the stranglehold it had on my soul life and that of my lineage. I'm glad to be through with the recognition and bringing forth of it, truthfully. It's time to give it a rest, to let it detach, to reintegrate my heart and my soul with the Earth.

I will share what I learned today. That deep emotional work can leave you very ungrounded. With chaotic, racing thoughts. A disorganized, vulnerable mess. Even with help, I sometimes forget to put in place the things necessary for an easy transition back to the physical world. Things I always think I should know by now.

I'm thankful for the help of two very good friends, RhiONA and Siobhan, for keeping me sane the past few weeks. One a flame-keeper of the Goddess Brighid, who so lovingly assisted in opening the decidedly Irish gateway to my ancestral story. The other, my very astute mentor and teacher who said immediately, "You're not grounded, Alyce." She reminded me to breathe. First into the belly, then down into my feet. "Reconnect with Mother Earth, and your inner child. She's frantic right now." Well, of course she was, but I'd only just recognized it at that moment.

I used two homeopathic remedies, one for grief, and one for trauma. I used the Bach Flower Essence 'rescue remedy'. I went for a walk. I sat by my tree. Wrapped myself around it, actually, likely to the delight of my neighbors. I felt much better in a very short time.

What did I learn? That no matter how wise, how deep, how educated or prepared you might be, in the thick of the emotional work...you forget. And no matter how much you might want to process through the mind, it's not possible. We can only process emotional and spiritual work through the physical body.

We are not spirits, we are human. We can only reach our potential for enlightenment if we are fully embodied. We can clear our thoughts, and allow for mindfulness, but the mind can lie. It can be ruled and controlled by the ego. The body doesn't lie. It supports the will of spirit; it's primary job. That and keeping you upright. {smile}

Preparation for me next time will consist of all the things I needed today being lined up in front of me, or in my purse, with a list of reminders. Simple things like...don't forget to breathe!!!

Locating and clearing an ancestral story is no joke. It is always good if all of the parties are on board, which in my experience, doesn't always happen the way you'd like it to. Each person acts out a part, sometimes very unconsciously, and very painfully. You may become nearly paralyzed with fear before you begin your journey. None of this matters. You either do the work, or you let it move past you to the next generation of souls. The story will always come up to be cleared. It is entirely up to you how you decide to deal with the call when it comes.

I chose to move through the fear, call in the spirits, and do the 'Work' today. On other days, I might not have been as strong. But today, I decided that this was the last day this particular story was going to 'run' my life. So, it opened for me. I sat with my ancestor, and we cleared together a burden of abuse and trauma that had affected every generation of my lineage for the past 1400 years. Not that time is linear, but we do tend to think of it that way since time is a very human construct.

I've fully accepted the judgment of 'witch'. That's what they used to call women who were strongly infused with the energy of the Goddess. In order to move past it, you must embrace it.

I'm grateful today for the people in my life who embody love, wisdom, faith, trust, hope and compassion. I'm also grateful to those who have had to embody the less desirable qualities of emotional coldness, mental cruelty, being mind-centered rather than heart-centered, meanness, being rooted in the self rather than the Self.

I'm just glad to be here. To be clear.

I pulled a card from the Full Moon Tarot tonight to mark the passage of what I'd learned today. I was happy to see the Dalai Lama smiling back at me as the King Of Water...

Compassion
Before a tranquil sea at sunset, a wise teacher stands, his face serene, infinite understanding and compassion in his humor-filled eyes. Above his head floats a water lily, symbol of purity and serenity. He radiates calm and compassionate love, while his crossed arms show self-containment and discipline of the emotions. Awareness, control and peace are at his command, while his love and compassion are as deep as the dark sea. Let your heart open, says the King of Water... but do not let your emotions drown you. The way of wisdom is detachment...

I wish each and every one of you a Blessed, Joyful, Peaceful New Year!

Blessed Be!!!

Seeing with the Heart

The heart is a strange and wondrous thing. It is the center of our being, the center of our universe, both inner and outer. No matter what happens to us, or how far we may try to move away from the pull of our heart, it will always bring us back.

When we become heart focused and centered, and make that a clear intention in our lives, we can experience an unparalleled opening of love and compassion. After that moment, it is always the heart that leads us.

This has led me to better understand the nature of heartbreak. Literally translated here as 'a break with the heart'. If one experiences fear, anger, pain, grief or suffering, this often occurs as an immediate response. A protective shell is erected to 'prevent' any further damage of this vital organ center.

And the mental chatter begins. The ego goes on to tell stories of what has happened before- "He always does this." "How could you let her say those things to you and get away with it?". And perhaps the ego also gets caught up in the struggle of being 'right'... the belief that one side of the story is more true than the other. Divisiveness. Heartless-ness.

The important thing to recall at these times is that pain separates us from not the truth of the situation, but the very Truth of our heart. We must allow ourselves to 'be' with whatever emotions arise so that we can find our way back to ourselves.

Often times, we choose to stay separated because we don't want to acknowledge what our heart is telling us; which is quite often vastly different from what our mind is saying. Some of us decide to stay in this allegedly 'safe' space for years, believing that will prevent us from being hurt again. This is the gravest Untruth of them all.

The heart is our connection to all that is, our center. It also provides the main rooting in our lives. Quite often people who are separated from their heart center have pain or illness, long or short term, that the body uses to ground them within the physical and emotional realm. In these cases, a heart opening is the only 'cure' that is needed. A loving, open-hearted person can provide the presence and space required in order for healing to occur.

When one is heart-focused, and doesn't move away from the discomfort of emotional trauma, we provide that healing space for ourselves. Becoming still within ourselves allows us to hear what our heart is telling us.

That we are love.

That is our very nature. We can try to obscure that with stories, pain, fear, etc. But once we are heart-centered, we can never move away from the truth of this. The heart will always lead us back to ourselves.

Today, I am seeing with my heart the truth of love. It is boundless, all encompassing. I am profoundly grateful. I AM LOVE. And so are we all.

Much Love and Many Blessings to all.

Opportunity

Disappointment
5 of Water

Sometimes opportunity presents itself through limitation, perhaps a painful or challenging situation. Though we may feel disappointment that things didn't turn out the way we'd wished them to, it is always within our power to choose a different response to a tough situation.

The first step to doing this is to become aware of our response, and the underlying emotion behind it. Bringing your attention and awareness away from an outside event, and back to yourself, allows you to become fully present within the situation. When we are present focused, we become aware of how and what we are feeling; how our belief system has conditioned us to respond to particular stimuli.

For example, say you've just spent a loving, romantic and intense weekend with someone you adore. They tell you they love you, and are aware they want something more. Depending on what you want, and what your 'story' is will depend on how you respond. If you are feeling the same way, and are open to accepting that love in your life, you might be elated. If you, despite your feelings are not ready, you may feel sad or pressured. Your immediate response will always be based on your previous experiences. If you have a lack of trust within relationships, you may be triggered by this, and all the love in the world won't stop you from going into that emotional space of fear and disappointment. It is only the understanding and acceptance of what your story is that can free you from creating the exact situation you are trying so desperately to avoid.

In my life romantic life, I'm focused on 'being' love, and creating a lifetime partnership. I know, at 41, who'd have guessed it? ;)

But due to a recent situation (see above), I've had to look at my own 'story', and check in with myself about what the mirror is for me. This week I've used a wonderful program called SleepWork created by a dear teacher and mentor to me, Victoria Pendragon. This helps me to more objectively look at my emotional response and release or integrate the story around it.
http://www.izzness.com/bizzness.html

There are many way to do this, and tapping into the energy around us is always helpful in giving us an 'outside' perspective, while still honoring our inner knowing.

I often pull a tarot card to help me do that. My 'story' today is disappointment. Grief. The 5 of Cups. The wrapping of oneself up in sadness, and crying over the blood spilled and effort expended in the past, rather than looking at what has been gained, what remains and what is still to emerge. And once again, in her uncanny way, Lunaea Weatherstone has literally captured the situation and brought a reading to this card that is a perfect fit for me.


Disappointment- 5 of Water
http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/
An indulged and spoiled little princess sits beside a pool tossing her golden ball. Losing control of it, she watches helplessly as it flies out of reach and into the water. And the frog watches, knowing the whole story is about to change, for he is the Frog Prince, and the dropped ball is his ticket to bliss. Hers too, though she doesn't know it yet. All she feels is disappointment at the loss of her toy. Remember to look at the whole story, rather than getting caught in the loss of momentary happiness... there are things still to be revealed.


So...today I am recognizing that previous loss, and the limitation in one situation is also the bringer of opportunity in another. And in being present within this awareness, I will be open and clear to meet and accept that opportunity with an open heart and mind.

So bring it on. :)

Many Blessings to All.

Peace (and Joy)

PEACE- The Guardian of Water

To all those who celebrate the birth of the Christ, Happy Christmas!

This eve reminds me of when I was a young girl, and would go to midnight mass with a neighbor's family, or with my Nanny (Dad's mother).

Attending church on Christmas Eve was always so peaceful and joyful for me (back before I understood all the divisiveness of

religious dogma!)

I know now that it was in that sacred space, singing carols and lighting candles, that I first felt the presence of the Divine. I felt a warm, open spaciousness in my heart and a lifting of my burdens. I knew that perfect love existed in that moment, no matter what else was happening in my life.

Today I awoke as I have for the past 13 days, grieving a lost love and friendship. But I realized today that as I awoke, I was taking on this grief. That in my sleep, my heart was clear, and that the emotion 'settled' in the heart area to be expressed. Which I did, with gratitude.

And I had an insight...this is temporary.

Not just the grief, but all of it. That our true state IS love. That open, peace-filled heart space is always there, and it is the only constant. Accessing that peace is the thing that can get us all through the more challenging times (and sometimes people) of this holiday season.

So...I decided to do a little pagan divination this morning, since I am reading a new book: 'The Jesus Mysteries- Was the "Original Jesus" A Pagan God?' by Timothy Freke & Peter Gandy. I say yes, but I am only on page 3 {grin}

I have a beautiful pagan, pop-culture oriented tarot deck called 'Full Moon Dreams' by Lunaea Weatherstone. I fell in love with it when I first saw it on-line, and I just had to have it!

Today, I went and chose a card from the Oracle on her website. Here is a link if you'd like to try it for yourself:

http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/choose.html

And with perfect and beautiful synchronicity, this is the card I chose:

Peace- Guardian of Water

http://www.lunaea.com/tarot/tarottour4/tour61.html

A swan sails serenely down the stream of emotion, feeling the cool gentle waters supporting her as she floats. And the Guardian of Water dances on the unruffled surface as well, as calm and poised as a water lily. His hands together over his heart in a gesture of protection, he symbolizes the peaceful spirit, one who is not dragged under by emotion's waves, but rather accepts each moment as perfect, letting feelings wash over him as easily as drops of water off a lily pad.
Breathe. Be at peace. All is well.

And so it is.

Wishing you a beautiful, peace-filled day.

Approaching the Solstice Celestial Alignment

This link will take you to the 'Conscious Heart of the Heavens' by Anthony J. McGettigan. This is an amazing site! Great celestial photos interspersed with star wisdom, poetry and an understanding of one consciousness/one heart.

http://www.ncrising.com/2007_012_conscious_heart_of_heaven.html

From Dec 21-Dec 24, there is much intersecting of planetary bodies at the galactic center of our universe. The Sun, Mercury, Jupiter and Pluto are conjoined, as Pluto aligns with the Galactic Center for the first time in 250 years.

This explains a great deal to me about the last few days, LOL. ;)

The Full Moon today also conjuncts Mars (in Cancer). This is fascinating to me, since Mars is the ruler of Ares (the warrior, the masculine) and the Moon is all about the deepest recesses of emotion conjuncting within the sign of Cancer (ruled by the Moon and signifying the Mother, and the divine feminine). So what an opportune time to explore the wounding of the feminine within ourselves, and how we brutalize and manhandle ourselves with judgments. To see how this reflection manifests in our outside world. (See yesterday's blog entry for more info on how this is working me.)

There is also a star drawing of the Sun-Mars opposition tomorrow afternoon, forming a very cool looking pentagon.

So, me being me, I went and did a little 'Sacred Geometry' exploration, and found connections between DaVinci's drawing of man, the five-pointed star and the golden spiral. It seems that Ronald Holt has theoretically tied the 'Golden Mean Spiral' together on a mathematical and experiential level.
http://www.floweroflife.org/spiral01.htm

Apparently, it can be experienced on a non-intellectual human level as a profound feeling of love.

Isn't that awesome!

So, my advice is to take some time in the next few days to connect your heart to the holographic heart of the universe, and feel the 'Oneness'. Bear in mind that both Pluto and the Sun are involved, so it also is about bringing to light the parts of ourselves that we do not accept as this love. And integrating this understanding into not only our consciousness, but into the very humanness of our physical bodies.

For me, on a practical level, this is about cultivating an all embracing 'big (night) sky' and 'big love' attitude toward myself and everyone.

Many Blessings and Much Love to You All!

The Spark of the Winter Solstice

This Winter Solstice morning when I awoke it was to gratitude, a renewed clarity of spirit, and a great love of myself as a woman. I've had some dawning realizations over the past week, and discovered a new level of appreciation for my life, love and who I truly am.

I dance on the edges of other people's truth. I blur the lines, and open spaces. I create doors, transmute energy and hold the energy of love within my presence for those who choose to walk through them. It is the path I walk in this lifetime.

That information came through me early this morning, carrying with it the promise of release, and forgiveness. A knowing that this is exactly what I am learning, and doing by being present in this moment.

I live my life at an emotional depth and intensity, and share a level of intimacy with the people closest to me that is just too uncomfortable for most people. A part of me has always known this, and up until today, I've held a judgment about myself in this regard.

This judgment has followed me through all of my relationships, and limited the intimacy level within them. I've worked a lot with the concept of 'not enough'. But on some level it didn't resonate. Today I learned why.

My fear, and the lie that it told was that I was 'too much'. The equally as damaging, but mirror issue. Neither is in balance as both exist within the fear of ego. Too much as in "You talk too much". "You are too angry, sexual, loud, deep, intellectual, strong, weak, masculine, fast, easy, headstrong, stupid (insert word of choice here.)" I was blown away. I've hidden within a shell of 'not enough', because I was 'too much'.

I've been working with the feminine energies, and in particular, with recognizing and honoring my inner divine feminine. So as this knowledge began to reveal itself this morning, I realized that this issue is tied to my own inner and the reflected outer judgment of the feminine principle.

I began to wonder how many of us, as women, have hidden ourselves away in order to make other people in our lives comfortable? Not revealed ourselves completely because of internalized judgments of a predominantly masculine society? How many female role models do we have that are celebrated for their masculine, rather than feminine qualities? How many female spiritual teachers?

This issue of 'not enough' is the masculine issue, and the mirror of 'too much' is the feminine. How could I have possibly hoped to deal with it by looking at the opposite, instead of looking at myself? How can any of us?

As a woman, I exist on a deeply grounded and rooted level in my life, and in my body. It would be almost impossible not to with the work that I do. I only enter into the more shallow places (by shallow, I mean penetrating only the things easily or quickly perceived) when I need to engage people at a level they feel more comfortable with, a place a little less intense than my norm. I find most people in everyday life exist and feel much more at ease interacting on this level.

What I connected with today, fortunately or unfortunately for me and women as a whole, is that this is not where we exist. This is not who we are. We are love, and that requires an engagement of energies not found on this surface level. This is what we have come to do. And it's we who must have the courage to bring this forth into our own lives, so that we can birth it back into this world that is sorely in need of it.

And that it starts within ourselves.

I started with the willingness to release any judgment I have about being 'too much', about being a woman of intense love, pleasure and joy. Today I celebrate the depths of my being, and my emergence as a powerful force of feminine energy. This is the spark that created the universe, and is what I am bringing forth into the darkness of this winter womb time.

In this time of deep dreaming, creation and planting the seeds of what is to emerge in the spring, I pour forth the waters of myself with new intention.

Today is the dawning of a new day for me. There is much joy in my soul, and I'm still learning to dance with it all.

Blessings of the Winter Solstice Be Upon You.

Awakening to the Beloved

Who dares to disturb the slumbering dreamer?
I do.

As the Sun, my heart cries out;
"Awaken! Child of light, of sun. Release your love."

As the Moon, my soul cries out;
"Remember! Child of night, your connection with the Goddess, and who you truly are."

No matter. No thought. No time.
I have waited for aeons.
An eternity of days and nights.
Sleepless. Formless.
Nothing and Everything.

Love, Loved, Loving.

I awakened first to the beloved through a soul that touched the deepest recesses within.
The soul of a poet that called, and touched my own.
Profoundly. Simply.
A drumbeat that pulsed inside, calling.
I cried out in joy and remembrance!

but...

He did not see.
"You did not recognize the deep beauty of your own incandescent being!"
I did not see.

I grieved. Suffered. Died. Learned. Slept. Stirred. Arose again.

Loving, Loved, Love.

For the seeker, the beloved can only be found within.
Come inside. Feel the Joy. Be the Bliss!
Then, you will awaken to the Truth.

and...

"See what has been right in front of you, waiting for you to open!"
Love, Loving, Loved.

I AM the beloved.

The Eagles are a huge disappointment...

...and they seriously suck. Last week's win was an aberration, a freak accident. Against Detroit. You know, the Detroit Lions...the worst team in the league.

After missing the first three weeks of football while in Australia, I was excited to be watching my first game, especially after I was informed by more than a few friends that we had somehow come out of our slump.

And even though I didn't really believe that completely, I was stupidly filled with the sickening hope and pre-game elation only a life-long Eagles fan can understand and appreciate. I now sit with the same crushing, gut-wrenching disappointment only an Eagles fan forced to watch their team put in the worst performance like, ever, can experience.

I instinctively knew this season would be the one that exposed Jeff Lurie and Andy Reid's money saving, rookie promoting, veteran cutting scheme to daylight, exposing all its inherent flaws in reasoning, and the morale crushing, non-team building truth that emerged quite clearly during the Terrell Owens debacle that all players are expendable.

Apparently, they are not.

McNabb has no weapons to throw to since we got rid of Donte Stallworth...and decided not to replace him with anyone...except Greg Lewis. Enough said. We are completely awful without Westbrook, the only person who seems to play offense on the Eagles (excepting the rare weeks when McNabb shows up ready to play football.) Our offensive line was, well, offensive. In every sense of the word. 12 sacks? Disgraceful.

Our defense is equally crappy without Trotter, and it certainly didn't help that Brian Dawkins and Lito Sheppard were out with injuries.

I think it was a good thing it was an away game, as if I were at the stadium, I would have demanded a full refund for all ticket holders owing to the complete lack of entertainment value, or actual playing of any football on the part of the team this week.

I say that in two weeks, after the next game we lose, we put in the rookie, Kolb. What do we have to lose? San Diego kept Phil Rivers, an amazingly talented QB on the bench for over 2 years. It doesn't seemed to have helped them, or him. At all. Then look at the Steelers. They put in rookie Big Ben without any NFL experience, and he took them to the Super Bowl. 'Nuff said there, too.

I don't want to become another disgruntled, grizzled, off-the-bandwagon Eagles fan. I say we support our team by running Reid, Lurie, and McNabb out of town on the next train, plane or automobile, and try to salvage the rest of the season, and lay the groundwork for next year.

Who's with me?

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Perseverance is a great element of success.
If you only knock long enough at the gate, you
are sure to wake up something or somebody.
--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow