Insight and Revelation

You are walking the walk. It just isn't a straight path. Our life challenges spiral back around again and again so we can face them from a slightly more conscious place each time.
--Deborah King








I often see you in my dreams...
the only reality in which you appear, now.
Again, early this morning, we were friends.

You and I, walking and talking,
arm in arm, whispering quietly,
privately, happily, confiding our secrets.

We strolled through town, at first in a big city,
then in a smaller one, unfamiliar to me.
Through a concrete gray landscape,
and then a quiet neighborhood.

You wanted a picture to remember me by,
knowing how I hate myself in photos.
You arranged for me to meet a tiny Samoan woman.
You were on one side, me on the other.
Then, a Chinese mother came forward,
and snapped the photo.
You'd tricked me!

I was wearing a beautiful, white flowing shirt...
one you'd picked out and gifted to me.
I told you I wanted to be in black, instead.

Then I saw a studio,
with a real photographer.
I explained my needing to look a certain way;
to appear just so.

I would give you my likeness,
but only in a certain way;
the way I was comfortable...
wearing my mask.

You stared at me blankly.
That was not what you wanted.
You wanted to see me,
warts and all.

It dawned on me just then...
I wanted to give you what you wanted.
In my desire to please you at that moment,
I was able to recognize my own foolish pride.

I watched you do your layouts,
and design work on the computer.
I sat with you, and asked you to help.
Could you assist me in posting a photo?

As I watched you work your magic,
it all became clear, suddenly.
It was time to reveal myself,
fully and without any mask, or make-up.

People have been fine with me as I am,
for the most part.
They do see me for who I am...in plain sight.
It was I that couldn't face myself.

I couldn't look at myself without cringing.
I judged myself unworthy, unlovable.
Not able to see a simple image of me,
unvarnished, without disguise.

So...now I get the picture.
I was so afraid to reveal myself, my likeness.
Terrified to relive my own harsh judgment.

But I'm ready now, to face the truth,
to be seen exactly as I am.
Whole, glowing, free.

Perhaps when we next meet,
unfettered and free,
full of the sweetness of life,
I will be flying.