We bring ourselves to the Feast

We can only ever bring to the world
what we were given...
be it fear, or love, or pain.

But until we soften our gaze and see through the eyes of honor;
open our heart and feel through devotion,
awaken our mind through consciousness and
learn to dwell in the wisdom pool of the soul,
it will only ever be someone else's offering.

There is no getting it "right",
there is only what you choose to bring.

We sit at the table of the Gods,
and we are the feast.

The Pregnant Void- A womb-time journey

Prying open the Third Eye- Sunshine Miller

In my own life, I am trying to heal my womb, and this picture speaks deeply to me. I am exploring the different faces of the goddess each day in order to better understand and step into my own feminine power, rather than wielding my inner masculine power, which I was taught and mistakenly believed, was stronger. I grew up with a feminist mother whose own damaged mother crushed and repressed her feminine, so I had to learn from the beginning. And so began my healing journey to explore my matrilineal and ancestral wounding.

There tends to be, in our society, a distinct lack of understanding and appreciation of the principle energies of both sexes. I see both needing reverence rather than denigration. The honoring of the other is what I see missing in many relationships between the masculine and feminine (both within and without).

I believe that both men and women can become polarized due to our different understanding (or misunderstanding) of our own energies and a lack of acceptance of those that differ from our own truth and experience.

I see that religion and even many of the teachings of spirituality have been geared towards the masculine need for emptiness, which is not necessarily the best way for women to learn, because they come from and return to fullness. The void is not empty, but pregnant with possibility. I am learning this is in my quest for healing.

As my friend Michael Mantas put it, “I can see how [from the masculine perspective] it would be easy to believe that Nothingness is more valid that Somethingness (Womb).

For the Archetypal Masculine the Math of Spirituality is expressed as 0 + 0 = 0.

For the Archetypal Feminine the Math of Spirituality is expressed as 1 + 1 = 1.

One is rational, one is intuitive. But rational does not equal heartlessness, and intuition does not equal invalidity.”

As a result of my own explorations, and my own re-emerging feminine, I'm beginning a group of spiritual exploration and focus from the feminine perspective. It will begin as a women's group, but men who have come to a point of emptiness and wish to embrace their inner feminine might be included later, as well.

I don’t have an agenda other than calling forth and fully embracing our own divine feminine within. Exploring our feminine energy and gathering in support with a definite spiritual focus utilizing meditation, journeying and guided energetic practice techniques. This circle will begin meeting at my Doylestown office in late January or early February during the time of Imbolc or Brighid’s Day.

Because my own beliefs and healing work are earth based and influenced by lunar cycles, these will inform my facilitation. People of all faiths and belief systems are welcome. All I ask is that you come with an open mind, and an open heart.

Anyone interested can contact me by email at awalkerbtweenworlds@yahoo.com, fb message, or snail mail at Ascentuals 26 E. Swamp Rd Suite E, Doylestown PA 18901.

Thanksgiving- Feast Day of Forgiveness and Atonement

I firmly believe that Thanksgiving is just another day. Perhaps it is just my decidedly irreverent mood today, or just that I don’t blindly believe in following any tradition just because everyone else does. Being that I open my heart to gratitude and give thanks each day in my prayers, I find it odd that we have only one particular day set out for gratitude, instead of all 365 days of the year.

Some of us celebrate abundance at the height of harvest (Lammas/Lughnasadh), some at the end of harvest before the first frost (Samhain/Halloween) and some before the coldness of winter settles over the land (Thanksgiving). All can be beautiful expressions depending on your intention and focus. I'm focusing on the ho'oponopono prayer today, since Thanksgiving is ‘traditionally’ a bogus holiday created by puritanical transplants who, in their quest for freedom from religious persecution, in turn helped to decimate an entire indigenous population.

I found this posted on a NPR thread the other day, and felt it resonate as truth:

"Thanksgiving should teach us all to be afraid. Although it's well known to anyone who wants to know, let me summarize the argument against Thanksgiving: European invaders exterminated nearly the entire indigenous population to create the United States. Without that holocaust, the United States as we know it would not exist. The United States celebrates a Thanksgiving Day holiday dominated not by atonement for that horrendous crime against humanity but by a falsified account of the "encounter" between Europeans and American Indians. When confronted with this, most people in the United States (outside of indigenous communities) ignore the history or attack those who make the argument. This is intellectually dishonest, politically irresponsible, and morally bankrupt."
--Robert Jensen
http://www.commondreams.org/view/2009/11/15-2

So, I agree that we should celebrate the Harvest time (which is part of Thanksgiving) and our ability to feed ourselves through the winter. Our gratitude may be acknowledged because, truly, only 'wealthy' people feast. For if there is not an abundance of food, and good will, there can be no feasting, or a full table. But somehow we should probably make it a point to include a forgiveness ceremony and offerings as part of this holiday on this land. I will be sure to do that, as I am native to this land now, and honor its spirits and inhabitants.

Here is a beautiful prayer based on the ho’oponopono tradition, recognizing that forgiveness of self and others is paramount to opening the heart, and the full experience of love and gratitude.

MORRNAH'S PRAYER (Hawaiian Shaman)

Divine creator, father, mother, son as one...If I, my family, relatives and ancestors have offended you, your family, relatives and ancestors in thoughts, words, deeds and actions from the beginning of our creation to the present, we ask your forgiveness...Let this cleanse, purify, release, cut all the negative memories, blocks, energies and vibrations, and transmute these unwanted energies into pure light....And it is done.

http://www.manifestourreality.com/blank.html

Dream Fragment – Re-awakening the Feminine Heart

Heart of the small one, tortured…
broken open by grief, longing, yearning.
Tear-filled eyes, shining with pain.

“In service” answered the bright being,
Her eyes smiling kindly,
shining with the light of the stars.

The small one reaches out her hand to touch the light one.
“How can I live this way, with a wound that will not heal?”

“Grace is yours for the asking, bright one.
Accept what is, embrace yourself in all of your fullness.
Become one with your heart” answered the Mother.

“It is too difficult here, alone and without physical comfort.
I want to come home.”

She wavered in her lavender fullness, and revealed a rainbow heart, beating at the center of the world, in time with the small one.

“This is your heart center, and your heart is your home.
You carry your home inside, always.
The Presence is not outside, but within.
Your own divinity is soft, receptive; strong in vulnerability.
Loving…in both joy and pain.”

“Then where, bright one, can I find freedom in restriction, and stillness in chaos?”

“That is what you are feeling, child; The All of your Being.
The heart is movement- ever-shifting, conscious, active, loving.
The stillness you seek is illusion.
Only in acceptance and honoring does the pace slow enough
for you to perceive your connection to the totality.
And then, you are in Oneness.”

…and still the small self asked,
“And is there anything in that for me?”

Again, the Goddess smiled.

“Why, of course. It’s all for you, dear one.
When you open your heart,
the totality of All That Is opens.
That is the true liberation of spirit from form.”

Invoking the Cailleach

A chill wind rustles the leaves of early autumn
and the girl slips out from behind the tall,
straight trunk of the retiring maple,
her gaze still watching the summer fade behind her.

It must have slipped past without her notice,
the shift more subtle than usual this year
despite the dreams and visions.

When did the burgeoning ripeness of the Mother
turn to the visage of the Crone?

How long has the Old One been standing
in the Northwest corner,
waiting for her to see?

The girl knows that the summer boy
has departed for good once again,
without a parting kiss,
no honoring of love shared,
or even a proper goodbye.

The tears of sorrow fall to the ground,
the unseen beings silently accept the offering.

The Ancient Mother is aware of all this,
the pain palpable as she watches
the bright red heart of the girl crack open.
This is the fertilizer for the seeds of the new
though the girl does not yet know.

The long eye of the Cailleach
glances simultaneously back to all that was,
and forward to all that might become.
The longing of the girl who awaits her release into death
has invoked her full power,
unknowable and full of destruction.

The Hag misses nothing,
noting the cowardly withdrawal
of the masculine.

The denial of love, a closing down, an easy conquest.
Where are the men who used to hold the space?
When as Badbh she wields her scythe of blind Justice,
this transgression will not be forgotten.
As the earth slowly releases the final bounty,
the cycle of her power grows.

With her left eye, she gazes forward
into the harsh wind of deep autumn,
and the soft dreamtime of Winter.

The Morrigan cracks a wide, forbidding smile,
relishing the tearing away of the old
creating a space for the tiny seeds of hope
to be planted in the now barren soil.

The Ancient Crone reaches out her arms, waiting.
Time to clear what no longer serves,
and welcome the girl
into the embrace of the twilight.

The Cailleach knows the Truth of this world;
All things must die.
And what she cannot teach through love,
will be learned through fear.

There is no difference save what we create.

Womb-time memory

'New Hope'- Barry Mack 48x72


Blood, bright red and shiny.
Today the pain is much less, she thought.
Better this time not to be hunched over,
waiting for something to move.
Better than a time long ago,
when she felt moved, and there was no trace.
Nothing but a faint memory, and a whiff of anaesthetic.
An ultra-sound picture,
taken by a well-meaning nurse and mother.
"Don't you want to see?" she asked, puzzled.
There was no pain then. Only numbness.

She grieves a past that never was,
and weeps for a future that will never be.

She thought she'd made peace with herself.
Until the long view came into sharper focus;
the lost highway of baby clothes and little girl dresses,
dimmed with the passing years.

And yet her womb is producing something.
How many are they?
How many growing in there,
feeding on shame, and self-esteem...
robbing creativity?
Something read, and remembered from Buddhist query:
If every living thing is an entity of the Mystic Law,
can she chant that these small,
dark growths evolve and support life,
instead of draining it?
Tiny bloodsuckers, drawing energy into the vortex.
What can ever come of that?

Blood.
Bright red and shiny.
Sacrificed to the earth.
Surrendered in love.
Each small thing released, and named.
One for each love she's ever had.
Some never embraced or admitted to.
So many tears shed, a deepening stillness spread within,
and all around.
Perhaps now her womb can be whole, and healed.

The Nature of Sacrifice

'Being'- Barry Mack

Repost from Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Nearly 3 years ago, prior to Hurricane Katrina, I began to receive messages, instruction, dream 'transmissions' regarding the nature of energy. How it is contained within nature. How it is transmitted. How it can be harvested, stored and accessed; utilized for protection, and for healing.

And about the nature of sacrifice.

At first these things seemed unrelated. And even though I was 'shown' how the act of sacrifice affected particular energy lines (literal and figurative), I was still not clear exactly what was considered a 'sacrifice'. Or that I wanted to know. Why was I being shown this?

The very word itself made me uncomfortable. I began to understand that it was the definition associated with the word that left me with this confused emotional discomfort.

This is taken directly from the Britannica Ready Reference:

sacrificen [ME, fr. OF, fr. L sacrificium, fr. sacr-, sacer + facere to make--more at do] (13c) 1: an act of offering to a deity something precious; esp: the killing of a victim on an altar 2: something offered in sacrifice 3 a: destruction or surrender ofsomething for the sake of something else b: something given up or lost. sacrifice vb -ficed ; -fic.ing vt (14c) 1: to offer as a sacrifice 2: to suffer loss of, give up, renounce, injure, or destroy esp. for an ideal, belief, or end 3: to sell at a loss ~ vi 1: to make or perform the rites of a sacrifice.

This didn't really engender much comfort or trust in my 'dreamtime' instruction. Suffering, loss, renunciation, offering to a deity. It seemed so last millennium. I thought about the story of Jesus. About terrorist attacks. How religious and political extremists believed they, too, were making a sacrifice, twisted and illogical though it might be to us. And about how this is usually done in the name of a deity. Not exactly something I wanted to look at.

Then I began to understand a bit more. I learned that the definition associated with a word was similar to an energy being placed on or associated with a symbol. That the word or symbol can evoke (or invoke) a particular energy, but it can also accumulate energy that becomes connected to it that has nothing at all to do with the origin or creation intent. It can become covered over with an energy that warps and obscures the very word/symbol itself.

I've been opened to learning over these past few years that the original idea and nature of sacrifice is intrinsically connected to love. Not as far from the idea of the resurrection story of the Christ as one might think, but before the myth itself was appropriated. Used by multiple religions in a quest for 'owning' the ultimate Truth about sacrifice. To be able to dictate how one should behave in order to be Christ-like. This in and of itself helped to obfuscate the meaning of the word. Through this knowledge, I realized that without the energy of love, true sacrifice is not possible.

And that was about it, until about two weeks ago. I'd been personally working with the elemental nature of fire, and it's transmutational properties. I received another message in the time between waking and sleep. I saw the word sacrifice spelled out in front of my closed eyes. And then it moved and shifted. The letters began to rearrange themselves... sacr..sacre..fire..care. Then it looked like this: sacred caring.

So simple, really, to take so long to understand fully. Sacrifice is not a thing, not a mental construct, not even an energy. It is the very intent that creates the energy. And behind that intent is love. This is where the idea comes from about sacrifice and miraculous healing. Lifting up a prayer, or raising your voice with open-hearted love in a state of complete selflessness allows one access to the Divine energy within and without. And moving out of the way allows this energy to manifest as ultimate healing. As Oneness.

I finally understood. I was being instructed to 'take back' the very word 'sacrifice'. Not as a noun, but as a verb. The original creation intent that has been lost within our culturally narrow definition.

So here is the recently defined version as I understand it at the present moment:

Sacrifice:
sacrificen [ME, fr. OF, fr. L sacrificium, fr. sacr-, sacer + facere to make--more at do] 1) To make holy, or sacred through an act of pure love. Sacred caring [the act and intent of] 2) in healing: the holding of a sacred space, a contained and witnessing presence within which a person might offer up something one is holding [something precious] in exchange for receiving the light of love and understanding.

I send this out into the ethers with love, light and many blessings.

R.I.P. FHM

I raise a glass in remembrance now to someone very dear to me; a wonderful lover, teacher, writer, actor, friend, confident, secret-whisperer, laugh-sharer, rebel, edge-walker, lightening-bringer, boundary-pusher, heart-opener, gasping, breathing, sighing and fully alive human being. Thank you for being present in my life. Thank you for loving me.

I'm here to tell you how much I loved him and how he changed my world for the better. I LOVED him. I can feel the tug of it now; I adored him. He had a particular energy signature that was all his own. Women everywhere could 'feel' it. I was certainly not alone in my experience. But there was a part of him that was just 'mine'. I knew that as well as I knew my own name. He was anam cara.

He was at turns vulnerable and powerful. He was tender and fierce. He was silly and profound. He was awkward and entirely made up of love. Tall and daunting. Close and forgiving. He was everything to me.

Through unforeseen circumstances he was lost to me. At least in a tangible, ordinary existence way. But his spirit exists somewhere, and the power of it created a hell of storm here in the Northeast tonight. A perfect way to say goodbye after 5 years.

So with a Guinness in one hand, and a whisky in the other, I wish you deep peace wherever you are now. Thank you for bringing through such beauty and power. Thank you for your teachings. Thank you for your sacred caring.

I love you, FM.

The Vernal Equinox

"Woman Ascending" - 48"x36"

The Vernal Equinox- The Sun crosses the equator and day and night everywhere on Earth are of equal length, with the Sun ascending here in the Northern hemisphere. Vernal means fresh and new, like the Spring. Equinox literally translates as "equal night". This year, the Sun entered into the sign of Aries on March 20 at 4:44am, marking the official beginning of the astrological New Year, and Spring.

It is a time of new emergence; life erupting from the trees and earth around us. And since we are the earth, this happens within us as we feel the clearing of the old grime of winter, the release of that which we no longer need to hold onto, and the rising of the light within.

A few years ago, I received a meditation from spirit. It is a nearly perfect exercise for Spring, assisting us in bringing in new energies while clearing room for it at the same time. It is also about honoring; yourself, the earth, and the light within.

A very talented artist and friend, Barry Mack, sent me the above photo of his "Woman Ascending" to mark the arrival of Spring in my world, and was kind enough to allow me to post it here with my meditation. You can see more of Barry's work here: http://architectsofanewdawn.ning.com/profile/BarryMack

Please receive this with my blessings.


Spring Meditation
***************************************************
Each morning at sunrise find a place in nature (a backyard, even a balcony would do) and face the direction of the rising sun in the East. It is connected to the emerald green ray of compassionate love and healing, calming, balancing and clearing, the heart chakra, and the Archangel Raphael. Briefly focus on something or someone in your life you are grateful for. Feel your heart-center opening to the warmth of the sun and the emerald green ray at your heart. Expand it until you are completely immersed in it. Open your heart to being present, fully present in that moment. Make a heart wish.

Each evening at sundown, take yourself outside and face the setting sun in the West. The West is associated with the Archangel Gabriel, the sea, and the ruby-red ray of the color spectrum that assists in physical healing, amplifying the kundalini energy and helping us to embrace responsibility for ourselves and our actions. Take a moment to focus on what needs to be released from your day (stress, anger, etc). Picture surrendering these energies (or relationships) that no longer serve you to this ruby-red light. Forgive judgment of yourself or others. Breathe in love and light, and picture expanding the ruby-red light to fully encompass you. Then visualize the emerald green light surrounding the ruby-red center in the heart area. Notice the shift as your heart center enfolds you in compassion and love. Know that you are whole and complete.

This exercise can be done each day until Bealtaine (May 1st), when you notice the ties that bind you have been released, and that your heart wish can be manifested fully and clearly.

Requiem- The Death of the Old Self

So, this is how it ends. Corrupted. Bereft. Empty. Lonely. Feeling as if I’d only just paid more attention, that none of this had to happen. I’ve spent far too much of my life and time feeling this way. And it’s such a short life.

Usually when someone contemplates throwing in the towel, there is a maudlin self-pity present. I have to say, it doesn’t feel like that to me. I know there are people who care, who love me. Who will be sad if I leave this earth. But I am aware of something they may not be. They only need me for their own reasons. To validate them, to be present for them, to be their mirror. And this, I think is what it’s about for other people. Will they grieve? Certainly. But will they grieve for me…or for their own loss? This is the human nature I have come to understand, to accept, but not to love. In truth, I am the only one who can grieve this life, my life. But do I have the courage required to do so?

Can I grieve the life that was, and the life that never was, and still remain here…present? Can I release this, and learn to feel again? Or is it too late for that? I’m so tired already. And old, aeons old. Can I lift myself one more time from this ground I stand on, a brittle, barren surface, and walk just a few steps farther on this journey? Perhaps a spark of hope will light the way, for it is so dark here, now.

I’ve spent my entire life living for others, for a cause, an idea. Living in service. Being of service. It is what drives me, what inspires me. And it’s also the thing I hate the most at this moment. For how can I truly be of service if I can’t even help myself? How can I learn to love my life, when I feel no joy?

I have been here before, in this space. I have had the light of the Presence move through me. I have been more alive than many can imagine being. I have been everything. And now, I am nothing. Why did I choose to stay, if I am incapable of creating love within my own life; within myself?

Do I have the strength to accept what is here in the dark, empty expanse, and live on? Can I find the spark of inspiration necessary to build a new hearth fire from the barely flickering candle of my soul? I cannot do it alone. This much I know. I must pray, and be open to receiving the light of my own soul, as it comes to embrace me. And if I wake up here, then I will have a chance to feel and create something new. And if not, then I will be free. Liberated.

And as I fall to my knees and ask for forgiveness, Goddess, will you be so kind as to hold a space for me, until I can hold it for myself? I think that might be exactly what I need…

The Seeds of Wholeness

I awoke today with a lead stone in my chest,
where my heart should be.
Heavy. Weighted down with grief, and anger.
Feeling wasted, barren.
Mind racing back to times gone by, and love lost.
Missing the beloved, separate from the other.
Separate even from myself.

Patterns of loss stamp themselves anew today;
deception, betrayal, jealousy, need, obsession.
The depth of emotion feels staggering to me.
There is nothing to be done but learn to be still now,
and not run to the next distraction.
Tears flow freely for myself, and then more.
Self-pity is unbecoming. Eyes red, swollen.
So tired. So tired of crying. So tired,
crying for a love destroyed before it could ever flower fully.
“Who?” You might ask.
“How many?” I would answer.

I have proven to myself that I was unlovable. Unworthy.
Over and over, the cycle repeated itself.
Deep, unrequited love.
Then I would hide behind a mask.
Which woman would I be today?
Which single-minded desire can I fulfill so that I can be loved, at least for a little while?
Eventually, it became a mask of independence and certainty, when I felt anything but.
I hid my vulnerability away, and the fear of not being seen truly became not being seen.
The prophecy became self-fulfilling.

Holding, and withholding became an instinctive,
protective way of being.
Fear of judgment and rejection drove away my ability to actively love, to be fully present to another being.
To receive the care of another being who was also like me.
Who is also God.

For I recognize myself in pain,
covered over with the grime of the past.
The questions “Does anyone truly see me?
Does anyone really care to see?” then became,
“When was the last time I allowed anyone to see?”

Then questions of divinity..
“Who am I if not God?”
“And if I am the female aspect, where is the masculine aspect to ignite the spark of my passion once again?”
“If I have recognized the light within, then why can I not see the divine within as complete?”

Memory surfaces, of my asking the mother,
“What is your dream for me?”
She was in the starlight, and she answered;
“The sacred flower of life- that is the dream for all my children. Speak the truth of your heart, and love.
Love, the verb. Love actively, without fear,
completely and passionately.”

Finally, emotion spent, comes understanding.
The stone in my chest, occupying my heart center
is like a pit... a giant seed.
And today, it cracked wide open,
spilling dry contents on the damp soil to be fertilized.
I surrender my dreams of union to the Earth,
and gift the mother with my sacrifice.
I water it with my tears, allowing the unseen beauty of my soul to radiate heat and light,
to nourish the tiny, fragile growth.
I turn over my sacred caring,
and will nurture the tender growth that arises.
I will allow the joy of wholeness to emerge.

MLK Remembered?

Today, I learned something. My father was saddened to see that some of my neighbors had put out their trash, forgetting it was a holiday. He often pokes fun at them for doing that, but not this morning.

Instead, to my surprise, he seemed disgusted, angry, resigned. "Today" he said, "of all days to put the trash out". Then he shook his head. I asked him a wordless question, and he answered. "It just shows how ignorant of history Caucasians are. The last thing MLK Jr did before he was assassinated was to support the striking sanitation workers in Memphis TN. There isn't a trash collector on the planet that would be working today."

Wow. I hadn't realized that. He was right. We are ignorant. I was ignorant. I mean, I've learned about MLK Jr. I care deeply about social justice, and the right to non-violent protest. How come I'd never learned about what had happened immediately prior to his death? How the judge had just granted him the right to march, after working out an arrangement with local businesses that had filed suit against him after looting had broken out at the last rally for the sanitation workers. The city and local companies were against unionizing, and it was a big deal. Did I never learn about that? Or did I just forget?

One thing's for sure, it has made me realize that on a day of remembrance such as today, it is important to become more aware of the life of the person being memorialized. If a day has been set aside specifically to honor Martin Luther King Jr., then the least I can do is to spend a few minutes today to learn something about them that I wasn't aware of previously.

I found out about the strike today, and read more about it in the National Archives. Here is the page should you want to read about it for yourself. http://www.archives.gov/education/lessons/memphis-v-mlk/

In respectful memory of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

The Viral Rants- part 1

They Ought to Have a License/Planning Permit For Becoming a Parent (they make you do it for your house).

Bad Parenting. We've all seen it. Most of us have experienced it. And no one wants to talk about it, not really. What I mean to say is, not in a real way.

Oh, sure. We all love to judge when it comes to other people's parenting skills, but what about when it comes to looking at our own parenting skills? Or just looking at ourselves in general, about anything? And why not?

Everything you do, and everything you are informs your skills in life, including as a parent. So to be your best, it seems only logical that some attempt be made to be clear about who you are, so that you can help your child to become who they are. This is not just about responsibility, but about 100% accountability for your choices and actions. No one else is making them for you. And no one but you and your partner chose to bring a child (or 2 or 3) into this world.

I 'get' that some parenting skills cannot be taught. One cannot truly teach love and compassion, discipline, honesty and courage without experiencing it for themselves, and about themselves. So isn't it high time we held ourselves up to the discriminatory light of truth, in order to better inform ourselves and our decisions?

I think it's time to get over ourselves and our fears of bringing this up for discussion. I can't tell you how tired I am of trying to talk about this and having people get offended. What are you so offended about? Do you really think you're the world's greatest mom or dad all the time? Of course not.

Our society is hanging by a thread. We are 'broke' and bankrupt in many ways, our current financial situation being only the outside mirror for our inner loss of value. The only way to change things is to first bring it to awareness. Families, overall, form our society. And we no longer have a choice but to really look at what we are doing. How we are raising the next generation. How we have, or have not finished raising ourselves.

Now, are you ready for the hard part? To hear the 'real' truth? Even if you are a stellar example of parenting, a good parent, you are not always a good parent. It's just not possible, though you do the best you can. You should be honored for your sheer desire to constantly be a good parent.

You, as a good parent, allow the flowering of energy, youth, joy, all while nurturing competently, and instilling a quiet, simple discipline that allows children to learn their world while having a strong boundary/container from which to do so. You spend time with your kids, and allow your world to open to include them, not create a separate world around them. You perhaps understand that your child grew out of the boundless love of your union with your partner that could no longer be contained, and needed to express itself in the bringing forth of another soul. You, my friend, are in the minority.

Then, there are the rest of us. Being that good parenting and bad parenting fall at polar opposites on the grand scale of parenting, it seems more than fair to say that most fall somewhere in between. And that means most of us. Including you.

Some people are just mediocre parents; not a great skill set to draw on, no ability to separate themselves and their issues from their children, and no desire or ability to improve their situation. Just too tired, depressed, stressed, bored and would rather withdrawal from the situation rather than look at it honestly and deal with it. These parents would rather watch TV and 'veg out' at the end of the night than even speak to each other. Although they would deny it, and don't realize it, they spend just as much time watching TV as they do parenting. How often is the TV on in your home?

Here's a newsflash- When you are watching TV, unless you are sitting and instructing your kids while watching PBS or another learning type channel, you are not parenting! In many cases, you are tuned out, and not even present in the room. This applies equally to talking on the phone, being on the computer, etc. There are many distractions, and multiple excuses. I don't want or need to know any of them. Neither do you. They are irrelevant. The fact is, you can and would be a better parent if you were able to be more present in your own life. Playing video games isn't going to do that for you. So turn it off, and pay attention. Ever keep track of exactly how many hours you aren't present to your kids, spouse, or yourself? I think it would knock you off your chair. So don't tell me you don't have the time, because that's bullshit.

Mediocre parents could benefit from meditation training, mind-body exercises such as yoga or tai chi, parenting classes (no matter what age your child is) and some counseling. Not just for the parents, but for the entire family unit. Make sure to plan some 'me' time each day. If you don't have enough, make arrangements to have more. If you give yourself what you need, and begin to honor your own time, you can better honor the time and space of others. And for others. Like your kids. So turn off the electronic devices for 2 hours per night. Make it a house rule. Place a moratorium on anything but being present for each other. Have a meal each day together, even if it has to be breakfast. But learn to be present. For the sake of yourself and your family.

Finally, there is the lower end of the scale. Some of you are miserable examples of parenting, trying to raise children when you've not even finished raising yourselves. Whatever possessed you to bring in multiple children, when you had a difficult time raising the first one, is beyond me. And who suffers for it? Everyone.

To be fair, most people are not aware that a second or third child not only brings with it it's own set of needs, but adds an entirely new family dynamic. Apparently, no one talks about this. I've seen more marriages fall apart after the second child is born than for any other reason. Bringing in one child requires a huge devotion of time and energy, and no less is required for the next one. Or the one after that. But honestly, we only have so much time. Are you really that good at juggling yours? From what I've witnessed, the answer is NO.

Bad parents say they put their kids first, before themselves, when this is not true. It's really never true, but they convince themselves, and their children that it is. They lie. They pretend they are good parents when they are not. They allow the computer, PSP or TV to babysit and inform their kids instead of taking the time to do it themselves. They put them on medication to control their behavior first (before trying any other solution) then leave them on said meds for years. They are irresponsible role models that take multiple drugs, don't care for themselves (smoking or drinking to excess, no exercise, no ownership of destructive patterns of behavior). They justify imposing their will on their children, doing things that crush their gentle, emerging spirits in ways they excuse as teaching discipline, but is really all about control.

Bad parents don't make enough of an effort to keep a marriage together that might save their children from grief and strife. They may not have the courage to end a bad marriage that does the same. They manipulate by guilt. They project harsh self-judgment, anger and abuse onto their kids, because they cannot or will not face themselves. And I believe I know why this happens...they have never owned their own needs or their very human level of self-centeredness.

So right now, I'm taking that word back:
self-centered- centered within the self.

It has an unnecessary negative attachment to it. Why? Because we are confused about it's meaning. Being selfish, and self-centered are not the same. Selfish implies an exclusive focus on self that is denying of others needs or interests. Self-centered is about being clear and present within oneself. This is also denotes healthy boundaries, which enable us to have healthy relationships with others.

We are supposed to be centered in the self. It is the only way to remain present in our world. It is the only place we can truly interact from. So say it. Take it in, because it's a truth that will set you free. And if you are a bad parent, you can use all the help you can get.

In truth, we all represent each category of parenting, at different times. What differentiates good parenting from bad is desire to be our best, being aware and being present.

I know I'm going to receive many horrified responses from this. I'm not worried about it. Bring it on. I'm trying to open it for discussion. Just be aware that I will not tolerate excuses, only ownership. If all you have to bring to the table is self-pity, don't waste my time or yours. I don't want to hear "But I have 3 kids", "I'm going through a tough divorce", "I'm a single parent". These little denials are crushing our children and ripping apart the fabric of our society. They are really a way to deny full accountability. All of this is irrelevant to your ability to be your best, and the best parent that you can. If you come with anything that looks remotely like this, I will tear it to shreds. Then I will tell you that I love you and ask you for your truth.

I have no children of my own, and can only bear witness what it is like learning to raise myself. This also gives me a unique perspective on it. I have great compassion for all of us trying to better ourselves. But I can only do it for myself. I think it's time to look at where we all fall on the grand scale of parenting both ourselves and our children.

Our world depends on it.

Dollhouse, the new Joss Whedon series, begins February 13 at 9pm.